A Blueprint for Success!

Leave it the guys at the Phat Phree to architect a blueprint to live by. A modern day success guide for men where if you follow these seven rules you too can walk along the path of enlightenment in the "Booze Zone".

1. Consuming big, greasy sustenance for breakfast and dinner is a no-brainer and a well-adopted approach. Where I blaze a new path is suggesting that you preferably have sex for lunch. But unless you have a rub-and-tug nearby or a really dirty co-worker and/or classmate, this could be tough to achieve. Therefore, really exuberant late-night humping, replete with filthy dirty talking, is the suggested substitute.

2. Shots are prohibited. This is non-negotiable. If someone buys you one, dump it on the floor while they watch in horror. And stick to one type of drink, and one drink only. Whether it be beer, vodka sodas, or Bacardi Silver if you're gay. Whatever. Consistency is the key.

3. No more than six hours sleep. Anything more than that and your body gets lazy and falls into a state of inertia and self-awareness. This is when the "skymptoms" set in and you get panic attacks.

4. Always have something going on. Never let your mind and/or body stop to think about what you're doing to it. This reverts back to the planning your next night out while you're still in your towel that morning. Perpetual social motion. Swear by it.

5. Come Monday and Tuesday, take your pain. I'm a realist and accept that the Booze Zone can't be sustained forever. Therefore, it's best to pay the piper on the two most depressing days of the week.

6. Never look at your ATM receipt. When withdrawing money, I suggest you glance at it, then crumple it up and smirk cocky-like to those around you as if you're the richest man on earth.

7. Quit any and all religion.

Amen.

All I want to know is who out of my friends broke ranks and started blabbing?

Filed in: funny booze